Hi, I’m Red. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog on your company’s dime. I’m 30, although you’d never know it from my extensive knowledge of pop culture and impossibly dewy skin. I live just outside Boston, where supposedly brilliant college students don’t know how to cross the street properly, baseball players are rock stars, and we’ve all been to at least one Affleck orgy. I work with kids for a living because I believe that children are the future and that the greatest love of all is happening to me. I enjoy Hungarian folk dancing, analyzing postapocalyptic French cinema, and strolling through museums. Just kidding, I like watching TV and drinking with my friends. And then strolling through a museum. Mostly for the astronaut ice cream in the gift shop. What’s the deal with that stuff? I feel like if I were an astronaut and my fellow space explorers and I were getting ready for a big launch and I suggested that we bring along a little zero gravity-friendly mint chocolate chip, I’d get looks.


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